We all have our bad habits and personal foibles which make us who we are. Just to clear things up, I actually was born in a barn and I have lots of shoes because let’s face it, our feet don’t have fat days.
Since becoming a parent, I’ve noticed a few Mum related habits which are pretty common. I should caveat this with the fact that I have done all of the below. I’m not judging (that’s something I reserve for parents who put their children in Crocs. I don’t care if they’re practical).
Oh, it starts innocuously enough. Father Christmas, the tooth fairy. You tell yourself that it’s all about the magic. But then the lies start creeping in to day to day life. The batteries have gone in the (insert name of any V-tech toy here). Oh dear, we don’t have any spares. The TV’s not working. Sadly we can’t watch Topsy and Tim. I’d love to take you to soft play, but it’s not open today.
Referring to yourself in the third person
E.g. Mummy’s just going to make your dinner. You are not Kanye.
Do as I do, not as I say
There are many opportunities for this one. Good examples include yelling “Don’t shout” at your offspring and telling them that sweeties are bad for them before devouring a family size bar of Fruit and Nut after 7pm. It’s full of antioxidants you know.
You nod sagely when your mummy friend complains that their child won’t eat broccoli or wakes up 5 times a night. Don’t ever tell them that yours eat sprouts for breakfast and sleep 12 hours a night, as it will come back to haunt you. You can be smug, just on the inside
Linked to the above. Of course you want your child do well, but remember that they all develop at their own pace. Your friend’s child might not be able to build a tower of 6 blocks like your mini genius, but they’ll probably be past the “Biff, Chip and Kipper” stage long before you are. As an aside, note that it’s fine to hate Biff, Chip and Kipper. My vitriol is mainly directed at Mum for a) giving her kids ridiculous names and b) having ridiculous hair. The only people I hate more are Topsy and Tim.
Using the phrase “Proud Mummy moment”
I do it. We all do. It irritates our friends without children immensely.
Talking about Poo
The contents of your child’s nappy are of no interest to adults other than your partner. And probably not even that much to them. You probably need to go back to work.
Telling your children that if they don’t behave you’re going to put them in the bin
Oh, just me?
Becoming the grammar police
It’s only when your children are learning to speak that you realise how illogical the English language is. Of course the past tense of win should be winned. Of course you throwed that ball. So you start correcting them. It’s the only way they’ll learn right? But note that it’s not appropriate to start correcting your colleagues when they say should of, or friends who confuse your/you’re in emails. Worst of all is the superfluous apostrophe (e.g. I’m taking the kid’s to the park). Notice any grammatical errors in this post? Just testing.